Consider

It's the holiday season and it got me thinking. I am still at work full time while my friends are talking about their trip last week. As much as I do not want to study ever again, I think I will miss the concept of summer break. Not that the Dutch weather allows us to have a summer anyways, but now I can't have a break either. Anyways, as holidays are the thing on everyone's minds, in the middle of the summer, obviously I have been thinking about Christmas.

Santa is one bizarre man. It's mindboggling how we have just accepted the absurdity of the entire situation and just agreed to exploit the innocent stupidity of children so that they wouldn't object to the logic either. The existence of an omniscient white-bearded fat man in the poles commuting to work with flying reindeer carrying tonnes of gifts and travelling the entire world overnight is entirely plausible to me. If you have any other ideas, you're wrong. There are bigger flaws here and I want to make fun of them today.

Since when are we allowing slavery? Outside of offices, I mean. Those poor elves probably wait for their court-mandated lunch break as it is the only time they can actually rest a little bit. But have you ever considered that when it is mid-winter in the Northern hemisphere, it is never noon in the North Pole? You are telling me that Santa is allowing blatant slavery and cause nutrition deprivation at the same time, but no one is suing him? I could not find the salary ranges for the elf jobs. It makes me concerned that the man is not even paying them. What a villain!

I was trying to understand why a man with such unimaginable wealth is living in one of the most inhabitable places on this planet, but I only have one explanation: Taxes. To my knowledge, the North Pole is in international waters and therefore they do not have to pay taxes anywhere. I suppose this decreases the cost of production heavily but why should we not stand against the tax fraud? Tax the rich already!

I want to know more about this guy's exercise routine. There are a lot of aspects of this man that contradict with each other and I cannot find a logical explanation to what he's doing to stay in shape. A sphere, to be more precise. The guy can eat cookies and drink milk the entire night, and by entire night I mean millions and millions of cookies overnight, then still be healthy? If he's exercising enough to burn all these calories, why isn't he fit? Why is he exercising just enough to not die and just too little to become a magazine model? Well, I guess, in a way, he is a model.

How about his omniscience? How does it know that I have been naughty or nice? Is he watching me all day long? I feel uncomfortable raising this question. Does he have little cameras everywhere? I don't think his current methods are GDPR compliant. I did not even give consent for the cooki-- oh. That makes sense actually. What a genius evil, that cheeky son of a-- actually, yeah! Where are Papa Santa and Mama Santa? I suppose it is true that all superheroes and supervillains lose their parents at some point.

So yes. I think next Christmas we should keep an eye out. If any lawyers reading this too, please contact me. I have some questions... for a friend of course.